| Love and Other such silly notions. On 11/4/2002 2:10:12 AM, Mike wrote : | Viewed : 512 |
| Well, I had probably the best weekend I've had in ages. I got a chance to spend some time with someone I was hoping to and he is amazing. Quanry being, I think I am thinking about it a bit too much and getting too ahead of myself. I think its out of the fact that its simply been long enough for me to want to start over again and I want it so desperately. Whether or not "it" happens, now or somewhere down the road remains to be seen, regardless of whom it might turn out to be. Living life alone really takes the fun out of it. I want that soul-mate. That one true love, that person who makes you want to get up in the morning cause you know they'll be there for you and you want to be everything and more right back for them. I think since the holidays are coming up, I am getting a bit more anxious to have someone close. I have even contemplated, well, lets just say, I've thought about going back down a road that I have really wanted to close the door permanently to. But, I know that would only lead to far more misery and crap than I am willing to put up with. Some people can only be in your life so long before they wear out their welcome, others are family and they are always welcome to come and go as they please. These past few months have really showed me who those people really are. The more amazing part is that they know who they are without me having to tell them. I watched a movie tonight called "Big Eden". What an amazing story. For you gay drama movie-goers, go rent this. I also say "Drift", another gay flik. Drift was only for the indie film lovers who want the nitty-gritty, but it was good in its own right. Actually Drift is what got me thinking about how I feel in general. I think over the last few months, with everything kinda going my way and my world beginning to open up, I been in a position to begin to want more for my personal life. My professional career is decent to say the least and I am very happy with the progress I've made over the last year with getting all of my finances in order. It took me great sacrifices to make this happen and finally, I am able to reap the rewards of the work. The only thing that is missing is the person to share it with. Sheesh, I sound like some sort of romantic freak. I'm really not...I think all in all, I am simply lonely... Mr Right currently has said he isn't looking to be "Mr Right"...But what he has said and his actions seem to be conflicting. Hence the self analyzation. If he is "Mr Right Now", I'll enjoy the moment of bliss in the sun and let him fade away with the sunset. Live in the moment for once and let go of the fear of having regrets about it later on down the line. Truth be told, I think Mr Right is busy trying to figure out his own circumstances and he is balancing a long term commitment that has been washed clean by a handshake and trying to keep the feeling of having someone be a part of his life. I feel happy and sad for him both at the same time and quite frankly, I don't even know him that well. I guess its simply that I've been there and I know all too well what those circumstances do to your heart and to your mind. They make you question your judgement and make you scared to trust your heart. Two things that make having someone in your life, rather complicated. Simply put, I like him. He is a great deal of what I am looking for and we connect on more levels than I ever did with anyone else. What's really strange is he seems to keep beating me to the punchline. I like it, but its really....well....cool.... Though, I am scared that he'll rip my heart out and stomp all over it, as I am prone to letting people do that. Case in point, my last trip to WeHo. But, we had an amazing evening together and I enjoyed the hell out of the attention, and that is all I am going to say about that...... Maybe he'll read this and maybe my own worries and thoughts will help him come to a determination for himself. Whatever that decision might be. To you all, I bid you a good evening and I offer you this one piece of advice; Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you think they are cute, flattery is awesome and quite frankly, people eat it up. -m | |